WinkPoke by @AlexisCoe

People like to approach people who are moderately more attractive than them, but not *too* much more attractive. That’s essentially what this chart says. It’s from a 2008 paper using HotorNot.com data. Basically the bottom axis is how much more attractive the target is compared to seeker (using that scale from 1-10).

So it starts with the person being much uglier (-5) and goes to being much more attractive (+5). So predictably, less likely to approach a person when the seeker is more attractive than the target. It goes up as they match, and peaks at about a +3 point gap.  But when the gap gets too big (getting close to 5), the line drops again. Basically people have reality check. They are not delusional.

Full nerdy paper citation: Lee, Leonard, George Loewenstein, Dan Ariely, James Hong and Jim Young (2008).“If I’m Not Hot, Are You Hot or Not? Physical Attractiveness Evaluations and Dating Preferences as a Function of Own Attractiveness.” Psychological Science Vol. 19 (7): pp 669-677.

I have to admit —  since reading the OKCupid blog on the correlations within survey questions — I do wonder if a guy likes the taste of beer. Of course, I’m sure (because they have also reading the same OKCupid blog) they know about the correlation between beer and first-date sex, so they might be circumspect. I might as well be asking, “Do you like to have sex on the first date?”

I guess since it’s more often than not, the woman who is more reluctant to have sex on the first date, it’s more interesting whether I like the taste of beer. Which will be left unsaid right now.

:: @AlexisCoe

Time for another Venn Dating Diagram (these seem infinitely popular on the Interwebs). This one (admittedly not among the most clever I’ve seen) is on men on online dating sites. Forgive me, but I think it’s actually a pretty lazy Venn Diagram.

Good Venn Diagrams are when they name the categories where the two circles overlap and have something really clever where three circles overlap. The classic one is Nerd/Geek/Dork and Jesus/Frankenstein/Dracula/Zombies. The best one for men I’ve seen is the “Boy Paradox” involving gay men.

Is it situation really that dire out there. Also, it depends on what your definition of “tall” is.

:: @AlexisCoe

This OKCupid user with a very popular profile offered a self-analysis what exactly makes his profile so successful. (This of course does not take into account his photos, which are a pretty good predictor for the rates that women message men). You have to expand it.  

But what is really the most interesting part is the last section, how he describes the kind of woman he is looking for. It takes a lesson straight from advertising and priming techniques they use there.

It’s aspirational, but attainable.  If you like this product, you should be …

“attractive, quick-witted and mature — yet irreverent and completely independent. Educated and street-smart, she is open to new things.

She hasn’t decided if New York City is where she wants to live for the rest of her life, but she loves it here. She laughs a lot. 

She has good friends and prefers discussing ideas and events instead of people. She has a passion. Travel is a must. 

Has similar interests but can show me something new. Considers herself a challenge.”

~~~~~~~~~

Okay, why is this brilliant? Well, what woman reads that and thinks “that’s not me.” First of all it’s written with this balance of specificity and generalizability. He has very very specific ways of describing the woman, so not just things like “nice” or “fun” or “easy to get along with.”

The great example of something that sounds specific but is probably true across many women is “She hasn’t decided if New York City is where she wants to live for the rest of her life, but she loves it here.” (There are some women who have decided that it is where they want to live for the rest of their lives, and others who don’t love it here. But you’re getting like 90+% of New York single women in that description)

So in using detailed phrases, he doesn’t loose the population of women they describe. In fact, I would argue he even expands them, by priming women to think of themselves as that way. 

Very few women would think, “I don’t like to laugh” or “I’m not independent” or “I have no passions.” So by reading it, she becomes a woman who likes to laugh, is independent and has passions.

And the last line is especially spot on. Every woman — every single one — likes to think of herself as a challenge. 

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. If this guy doesn’t work in sales and marketing, he should.

— @AlexisCoe

I love the “zone of greatness” where the OKCupid blog makes a case for older women. I know my brother was convinced after reading the blog and set his upward bound pretty generously. He still won’t set it older than my age, because as he says “that would be weird.” And I also always have the reality check with guys by thinking, “Wait, is he younger than my baby brother?”

:: @AlexisCoe

A Venn Diagram descibing the Boy Paradox.

So true. If I meet a guy who is incredibly charming in New York City without a ring on his finger, my first thought is “Is he straight?” Followed by “Is he single?”

Because you can hold out hope if he’s not single (e.g. he breaks up), but not if he’s not straight.

Looking at the chart though, it seems that the sweet spot is at “Nerd,” who are totally underappreciated as a dating category in my opinion.

:: @AlexisCoe